This is the fourth time I’ve started this post. I’ve sat at this computer four times and tried to summarize the last ten years. I tried a vague post, a post for each year, and even a post that was essentially just a bulleted list of important events in a given year.
I got farthest on the bullet point post. Then I realized it probably wasn’t going to make very interesting reading except to someone like me who would love a post like that from a person I know. The other issue with the bullet point post? While God has been gracious and allowed me to see His sovereignty in us moving to Arkansas and a few other areas, there are a lot of other things I still don’t understand. Why did our friends have to move? Why did that one girl just stop talking to me after telling me several times how grateful she was to have a Christian friend? Why didn’t I try harder to make friends with my small group when I was in high school? Why did God put us in a church in a city we don’t live in? Why did my grandmother have to get cancer? Or my other grandmother get Alzheimer’s?
I don’t have the answers to those questions yet. Obviously I haven’t been very good at coming to terms with that fact. I sit and I look back over the last ten years of my life—just under half of my time on earth—and I see so many ways God has been with us. Even in these questions, He has proved Himself over and over again. And as much as I may cry and hurt and look around for lost relationships or life situations, I know He is in control.
I know He is good. I know He is omniscient (y’all please clap. I spelled that correctly on my first try). I know that His plan is more perfect than any I’ve ever had.
And I know that His ways are not my ways.
There is a benefit to learning things even if you can’t apply in the moment. You can’t pour concrete in a rainstorm. You have to set a foundation in clear weather. I have learned these truths about God often before or after a trial. Then they become even more beautiful, even more true. God is gracious to have allowed me amazing teachers, parents, and friends who will point me back to Him and His word.
Maybe that’s all I need to say. This last decade has been a wild ride, one earth-shattering change after another, and I’m tired. I’m ready to be alone and sleep but I am also desperate for like-minded company and human interaction.
Aren’t I just the most discontent and thankless person?
But God.
But God knows. And He forgives me. He will answer my prayer for wisdom, strength, and renewed determination to forsake these sins of selfishness, pride, discontent, and suspicion.
Because He never leaves me alone. He is always with me, and even on top of that, He never leaves me human-friendless for very long. Even as I’ve pulled out of a local friend group full of fellow nerds like myself, He’s brought back a girl from my small group. She’s a Nancy Drew-er, a question-asker, a God-follower, and she puts up with my over-dramatic self.
He’s given me a Sunday School class full of wisdom and love. “My” ladies have been walking with Him for more years than I’ve been alive, and the way they love me is something I won’t ever forget.
He’s given me back a friend I never thought I’d have more than passing words with.
And He has let us stay friends with the Loghrys.
I remember how terrified I was when they came for their support trip in 2018. It had been three years since they had moved to Texas, and all I could think about was that awful summer three years after we moved from Missouri. It was the last time I talked with most all of my friends from Sikeston, and as a writer, I was looking for the parallels.
But we’re still friends. All of us still talk often, whether by phone or email. I’ve been able to visit them twice this year, and each time we see each other it really is like we’ve never been apart.
As the song by Don Moen says:
And all the time (God is good)
God is good (all the time)
And all the time (God is good)
God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good, yes He is, all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, yes he is, God is good
All the time, here we go!
God is good all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night, His light will shine
God is good, yes, God is good all the time
That’s right, listen
If you’re walking through the valley
And there are shadows all around
Do not fear, He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
He has promised to never leave you
Or forsake you, and His word is true
God is good all the time…
God is good. He was good in 2010, He is good in 2019, and He will be good in 2020. There will never be a time when He is not with me, and there will never be a time He isn’t in total control of every single thing in existence. As I enter 2020, I know in the back of my head that there will be more changes. There will be more trials, more pain, and more loss. But at the same time, I am also fully “…convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation could ever separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:38-39)
And with that, my friends, both new and old, lost and still to come,
Happy New Year.
P.S. While I can’t obviously agree with everything in this song (I was/am a terrible person and I do need to change) the general sound and message is sweet and encouraging. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrOQtCIqWZk
Sarah Standard Version 