On the Eve of the Eve of My Graduation

When did you get excited about your high school graduation?

Was it during your freshman year?

During your senior prom?

When you were accepted into a college?

When you got a scholarship?

When you finished your last paper?

Or was it really, really late?

Like, six days before graduation late.

Because that’s when it was for me.

I have dreaded graduation for… well, a really long time. Maybe I started dreading it when I realized My Someone wasn’t going to come (yet…) and I wouldn’t be at the alter six months after I got my diploma. Maybe it happened when I realized I was going to have to enter the workforce again. Or when I remembered that people don’t really get their dreams jobs.

Or maybe it was when I realized: I. Am. Not. Ready.

I’m not ready to work outside the home. I’m not ready to own a car. I’m not ready… Maybe I just want everything to just slow down.

Have you heard Nichole Norderman’s song Slow Down? It’s really good. I’m using it in the slideshow for graduation. It’s beautiful and my mom says people will probably cry. Well, I agree with her, because I kinda cry when I hear when I hear it too.

Although, when I listen to it, I change the words.

Slow down
Can’t I stay here a minute more
I don’t want to walk through the door
Because it’s all too fast
Let’s make it last a little while
You pointed to the sky but I don’t wanna fly
But do you think we can somehow
Slow down

I’m trusting God with my future. I’ve asked Him for the right job at the right time. I’ve asked Him for peace. I’ve asked Him to help me trust Him. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He will answer my prayers. I don’t know what kind of job I’ll be getting, but I know that it will be the job God wants for me.

I’m graduating on Saturday. Yes, this Saturday. The one after tomorrow. Yeah.

And… well, I’m excited. I’m excited about Saturday.

But Sunday? And Monday? And the Monday after that? And the Monday six months from now?

That’s what I’m scared of.

But I don’t have to be. I shouldn’t be. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:38-39).

I will “Trust in the LORD with all my heart. And lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He shall direct my paths. (Provers 3:5-6).

I will “…put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, I may be able to stand my ground, and after I have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around my waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with my feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all of this, I will take up the shield of faith, with which I can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. I will take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Eph. 6:13-17)
“Fear not, for I [The LORD] have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Is. 43:1-3)

Why? Because “…God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2nd Tim. 1:7)

So I will tell those panicking, squabbling, yelling, sobbing voices in my head to be silent. I will take every thought captive and give them to God.
Because being afraid is exhausting.

And I’m tired of being tired.

I’m done.

I’m done allowing my sinful heart to lie to me. I’m done not trusting God. I’m done saying that His promises are not good enough.

I. Am. Done.

Because “I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end, He will stand on the earth.” (Job 19:25)

I’m graduating on Saturday. And after that?

All I know for sure is that God has it in his hand, along with the futures of EVERYONE ELSE.

And that’s more than good enough for me.


Songs of My Summers

Hey guys! I’ve wanted to do this post for a long time and now I’m finally doing it!

Music is a huge part of my life and I’ve realized that especially over the last four years, my high school years, my summers can be remembered by the song (or songs) I listened to the most. And I’d like to share that with you. So here goes!

2013 (Summer between Freshman and Sophomore Year)

Songs: Whatever You’re Doing (Sanctus Real) and Worn (Tenth Avenue North)

June of 2013 started the hardest summer and the hardest two years of my life. This time was even harder than moving in 2010 from my home of nine years to Arkansas.

It was during this period in my life, when I was 15, that a friend of mine when through a very difficult time. And I was with her through it all, as much as I could be. We wrote letters, prayed, and met to talk. Sometimes. God used it in my life to have me learn what Scripture says for myself, to make my own convictions, and to learn to trust Him during the roughest season I’ve ever experienced.

Guilt, anger, fear, sadness, hope, and despair characterized those months of the summer of 2013. I went from one extreme to another, and my mom was there with me through all of it. She stayed up late into the night multiple times to talk me through what was happening. My church prayed for me and for my friend.  My siblings gave me space.

And God gave me a faith and confidence in Him that I’d never had before.

Even when the summer ended, the pain was still there. It’s only been in the last two weeks that I’ve finally put away the last hold of that time in my life and have finally let it all go. These songs were my cry to God on many a night.


2014: Summer between Sophomore and Junior Year

Songs: Best Day of My Life (American Authors) and On Top of the World (Imagine Dragons)

This was one of the best summers of my entire life.  It was during this summer that I wrote, directed, produced, edited, and acted in my biggest film attempt to date. The Toga-Wearing Prairie Detectives was a four-part miniseries that my friends and I made during the month of June. It was an amazing time that I’ll never forget, and Best Day of My Life  and On Top of the World fit it perfectly.


2015: Summer between Junior and Senior Year

Songs: Journey Off the Map (Lifeway VBS), Follow (Lifeway VBS), and Who We Are (Switchfoot)

Who knew VBS songs for K-6th graders could be so… well, wise?

Journey Off the Map and Follow have been two of my favorite songs ever since I helped at a local church’s VBS this past summer. They are both so full of truth, especially for me as after graduation in five weeks I will be heading off into the great unknown: a high school graduate not going to college. They’ve been the theme songs for my senior year as I’ve fought my fears about the future.

I don’t listen to much Switchfoot. Any, really. Who We Are is a song I’m planning to use in the slideshow for my graduation, that’s how much I love it. I’ve been listening to it for a year and half now and it hasn’t lost any of it’s charm. It’s all about how we don’t have to have our lives figured out right now. We have time. And, most importantly, God has already set the path for our lives. All we need to worry about is obeying Him in the situations He puts in our path.